Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Picture Day...
Saturday, October 15th we had a picture day with my friend Dana. I needed some pictures of all the kids together. Unfortunately we weren't able to get Baylee for these pictures (will try again soon). Here is a few of the pictures...
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Who Would Have Thought...
I sit here today, at work, in a state of heartache for the families having to endure the loss of a baby...
I have always had this heavy feeling since we lost our precious Skylar on 01/27/10, I'm more just to myself and I will deal and allow you to know when I need some reinforcement and uplifting. I'm a very strong woman (if I do say so myself) but sometimes I need that extra push and love from others... But last night one of the ladies that I have bought ALL of Preslee's embroided onesies, tutus, and bows from posted a blog. In this blog the husband & wife are announcing they are pregnant again and that their baby (in Heaven) is going to be a big sister.
Such excitement...
Such joy...
Such happiness...
Such bliss...
These are the emotions of pregnancy - for a first time mom or a mom that hasn't lost a child.
Such fear...
Such anxiety...
Such worry...
Such a battle within yourself...
These are some of the emotions of a mother/father that has lost a baby. Yes these mothers also feel the happiness, excitement, joy, and bliss but this pregnancy carries so much more for them. Believe me - I have been there!
So, I watched a picture slideshow this couple had posted of their baby. I watched as they announced on their blog they are pregnant again. I seen the words on the blog "A journey in finding the new normal after the loss of our princess." At this point I'm not sure what has happened to their princess, but at that point I want to know more.
I come to work today and I go to the blog and I go back to where is shows a post titled "A Princess Goes To Heaven" (7 months back) and I start reading, I read every blog she wrote. Her sweet baby was 4 months old and passed from SIDS. She was in the care of a babysitter and asleep and the babysitter went to check on her and she was blue and not breathing. This parent got a call at her job informing her of this and rushing to the hospital she is hit with words that will never leave her... Your baby did not make it.
At that moment... What do you think she felt? Her world just crashed down around her, her beautiful baby which they longed for is no longer with her, and her life just shattered. She says in the blog they went home and when they got there all of their baby's things were still all over the house as they had left them before they went to work, before this baby went to the babysitter. This mother didn't know that when she dropped this precious baby off that would be the last time she would see her child breathing and alive. She didn't know what this day would consist of. I'm sure her plan was go to work and get off and pick up her baby. But the worst possible situation happened and this baby grew her angel wings and went home to Heaven.
As I read each one of her blog entries and I can see the anger, the hurt, the grief, the pain, the sadness, the pure confusion. The blog takes you through her picking clothes for baby's funeral, funeral arrangements, signing papers at the funeral home... These are all things Albert & I had to do. This hit home. Yes, Skylar was only 17 weeks gestation but she was our baby girl.
So as I read today this hurt and pain came back to me...Questions came flooding in...Life hit home!
Why did we have to lose our baby?
Why did God take Skylar from us?
Why did we have to make funeral arrangements for our baby?
Why did we have to go and buy clothes for our baby to wear as we watched her be put in the ground?
Why did we have to pick out those clothes to wear that day?
Why did we have to pick out music to be played at her funeral?
Why? Why? Why?
We don't know the exact answer as to why. What we do know is that God needed our angel Skylar. He blessed us with being the parents of her while she was in my stomach. His blessed us with having the joy of the pregnancy up to the day we lost her.
As we made it though Skylar's funeral and we talked and decided that we wanted to wait. We wasn't ready for another baby right now. We made that decision together. Everything was scheduled for me to go back to my OB/GYN and get my IUD put back in place until the timing was right for us. Little did we know that in this process we had already concieved.
Our sweet angel Skylar left us 01/27/10
Skylar's Funeral was 02/01/10
Preslee was concieved 03/02/10 (which we didn't know until later)
Day I realized my period should have started already 03/30/10
Pregnancy test taken 03/30/10 - positive!
My appointment to have IUD put back in 03/31/10
We never made it to that IUD appointment, instead I had to call the office and let them know. We were scared. I was scared. I was a mess. Yes I was SO happy, so excited, so full of joy but at the same time so scared, so afraid, and so nervous. I wanted this baby so bad. I wanted this pregnancy to go smoothly...
Thank the lord it did and we now have our angel Preslee...
I have always had this heavy feeling since we lost our precious Skylar on 01/27/10, I'm more just to myself and I will deal and allow you to know when I need some reinforcement and uplifting. I'm a very strong woman (if I do say so myself) but sometimes I need that extra push and love from others... But last night one of the ladies that I have bought ALL of Preslee's embroided onesies, tutus, and bows from posted a blog. In this blog the husband & wife are announcing they are pregnant again and that their baby (in Heaven) is going to be a big sister.
Such excitement...
Such joy...
Such happiness...
Such bliss...
These are the emotions of pregnancy - for a first time mom or a mom that hasn't lost a child.
Such fear...
Such anxiety...
Such worry...
Such a battle within yourself...
These are some of the emotions of a mother/father that has lost a baby. Yes these mothers also feel the happiness, excitement, joy, and bliss but this pregnancy carries so much more for them. Believe me - I have been there!
So, I watched a picture slideshow this couple had posted of their baby. I watched as they announced on their blog they are pregnant again. I seen the words on the blog "A journey in finding the new normal after the loss of our princess." At this point I'm not sure what has happened to their princess, but at that point I want to know more.
I come to work today and I go to the blog and I go back to where is shows a post titled "A Princess Goes To Heaven" (7 months back) and I start reading, I read every blog she wrote. Her sweet baby was 4 months old and passed from SIDS. She was in the care of a babysitter and asleep and the babysitter went to check on her and she was blue and not breathing. This parent got a call at her job informing her of this and rushing to the hospital she is hit with words that will never leave her... Your baby did not make it.
At that moment... What do you think she felt? Her world just crashed down around her, her beautiful baby which they longed for is no longer with her, and her life just shattered. She says in the blog they went home and when they got there all of their baby's things were still all over the house as they had left them before they went to work, before this baby went to the babysitter. This mother didn't know that when she dropped this precious baby off that would be the last time she would see her child breathing and alive. She didn't know what this day would consist of. I'm sure her plan was go to work and get off and pick up her baby. But the worst possible situation happened and this baby grew her angel wings and went home to Heaven.
As I read each one of her blog entries and I can see the anger, the hurt, the grief, the pain, the sadness, the pure confusion. The blog takes you through her picking clothes for baby's funeral, funeral arrangements, signing papers at the funeral home... These are all things Albert & I had to do. This hit home. Yes, Skylar was only 17 weeks gestation but she was our baby girl.
So as I read today this hurt and pain came back to me...Questions came flooding in...Life hit home!
Why did we have to lose our baby?
Why did God take Skylar from us?
Why did we have to make funeral arrangements for our baby?
Why did we have to go and buy clothes for our baby to wear as we watched her be put in the ground?
Why did we have to pick out those clothes to wear that day?
Why did we have to pick out music to be played at her funeral?
Why? Why? Why?
We don't know the exact answer as to why. What we do know is that God needed our angel Skylar. He blessed us with being the parents of her while she was in my stomach. His blessed us with having the joy of the pregnancy up to the day we lost her.
As we made it though Skylar's funeral and we talked and decided that we wanted to wait. We wasn't ready for another baby right now. We made that decision together. Everything was scheduled for me to go back to my OB/GYN and get my IUD put back in place until the timing was right for us. Little did we know that in this process we had already concieved.
Our sweet angel Skylar left us 01/27/10
Skylar's Funeral was 02/01/10
Preslee was concieved 03/02/10 (which we didn't know until later)
Day I realized my period should have started already 03/30/10
Pregnancy test taken 03/30/10 - positive!
My appointment to have IUD put back in 03/31/10
We never made it to that IUD appointment, instead I had to call the office and let them know. We were scared. I was scared. I was a mess. Yes I was SO happy, so excited, so full of joy but at the same time so scared, so afraid, and so nervous. I wanted this baby so bad. I wanted this pregnancy to go smoothly...
Thank the lord it did and we now have our angel Preslee...
This is the shirt we had made for Preslee in rememberance of her big sister, Skylar.
The back of this shirt says Skylar inside a heart with angel wings...
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