Who Would Have Thought...

I sit here today, at work, in a state of heartache for the families having to endure the loss of a baby...

I have always had this heavy feeling since we lost our precious Skylar on 01/27/10, I'm more just to myself and I will deal and allow you to know when I need some reinforcement and uplifting. I'm a very strong woman (if I do say so myself) but sometimes I need that extra push and love from others... But last night one of the ladies that I have bought ALL of Preslee's embroided onesies, tutus, and bows from posted a blog. In this blog the husband & wife are announcing they are pregnant again and that their baby (in Heaven) is going to be a big sister.

Such excitement...
Such joy...
Such happiness...
Such bliss...

These are the emotions of pregnancy - for a first time mom or a mom that hasn't lost a child.

Such fear...
Such anxiety...
Such worry...
Such a battle within yourself...

These are some of the emotions of a mother/father that has lost a baby. Yes these mothers also feel the happiness, excitement, joy, and bliss but this pregnancy carries so much more for them. Believe me - I have been there!

So, I watched a picture slideshow this couple had posted of their baby. I watched as they announced on their blog they are pregnant again. I seen the words on the blog "A journey in finding the new normal after the loss of our princess." At this point I'm not sure what has happened to their princess, but at that point I want to know more.

I come to work today and I go to the blog and I go back to where is shows a post titled "A Princess Goes To Heaven" (7 months back) and I start reading, I read every blog she wrote. Her sweet baby was 4 months old and passed from SIDS. She was in the care of a babysitter and asleep and the babysitter went to check on her and she was blue and not breathing. This parent got a call at her job informing her of this and rushing to the hospital she is hit with words that will never leave her... Your baby did not make it.

At that moment... What do you think she felt? Her world just crashed down around her, her beautiful baby which they longed for is no longer with her, and her life just shattered. She says in the blog they went home and when they got there all of their baby's things were still all over the house as they had left them before they went to work, before this baby went to the babysitter. This mother didn't know that when she dropped this precious baby off that would be the last time she would see her child breathing and alive. She didn't know what this day would consist of. I'm sure her plan was go to work and get off and pick up her baby. But the worst possible situation happened and this baby grew her angel wings and went home to Heaven.

As I read each one of her blog entries and I can see the anger, the hurt, the grief, the pain, the sadness, the pure confusion. The blog takes you through her picking clothes for baby's funeral, funeral arrangements, signing papers at the funeral home... These are all things Albert & I had to do. This hit home. Yes, Skylar was only 17 weeks gestation but she was our baby girl.

So as I read today this hurt and pain came back to me...Questions came flooding in...Life hit home!

Why did we have to lose our baby?
Why did God take Skylar from us?
Why did we have to make funeral arrangements for our baby?
Why did we have to go and buy clothes for our baby to wear as we watched her be put in the ground?
Why did we have to pick out those clothes to wear that day?
Why did we have to pick out music to be played at her funeral?
Why? Why? Why?

We don't know the exact answer as to why. What we do know is that God needed our angel Skylar. He blessed us with being the parents of her while she was in my stomach. His blessed us with having the joy of the pregnancy up to the day we lost her.

As we made it though Skylar's funeral and we talked and decided that we wanted to wait. We wasn't ready for another baby right now. We made that decision together. Everything was scheduled for me to go back to my OB/GYN and get my IUD put back in place until the timing was right for us. Little did we know that in this process we had already concieved.

Our sweet angel Skylar left us 01/27/10
Skylar's Funeral was 02/01/10
Preslee was concieved 03/02/10 (which we didn't know until later)
Day I realized my period should have started already 03/30/10
Pregnancy test taken 03/30/10 - positive!
My appointment to have IUD put back in 03/31/10

We never made it to that IUD appointment, instead I had to call the office and let them know. We were scared. I was scared. I was a mess. Yes I was SO happy, so excited, so full of joy but at the same time so scared, so afraid, and so nervous. I wanted this baby so bad. I wanted this pregnancy to go smoothly...

Thank the lord it did and we now have our angel Preslee...

This is the shirt we had made for Preslee in rememberance of her big sister, Skylar.

The back of this shirt says Skylar inside a heart with angel wings...

Labor Day Camping...

We decided on Labor Day weekend to go camping down at New Mannford Ramp. It was Albert, Triton, Preslee, and I. Anastacia was in Tulsa with Nana for the weekend. We had a great time relaxing, swimming, playing, and hanging out.

Here are a few pictures of some of the things we did while we were down there...

The 4 of us swimming in Lake Keystone at New Mannford Ramp on Saturday the 3rd

Preslee and I in Lake Keystone at New Mannford Ramp on Saturday the 3rd

After swimming we went back to the trailer and Preslee was playing in the floor in the trailer while I was starting dinner. Such a sweet little girl...

Sunday the 4th we went to play at the playground there in the campgrounds...Preslee on the playground equipment...

We buried Uncle Tommy in the gravel and so we thought we would set Preslee in it and bury her legs and feet and...well...as you can see she didn't like it very well...

Daddy to the rescue...He took her out of the gravel and she was content...

Sunday we had Tommy, Dara, Colt, and Gina all down there and we were getting ready to grill and it was getting chilly. Little Preslee didn't have any winter or even longer clothes so us girls ran up to the store and got her a few things and this zebra outfit is one of them. I love this picture...

We did have a great time at the lake and even though it is just a few miles away from home it is still nice to get away and have a little fun. This was Preslee's first camping trip and the first one we have taken since the wedding on 05/01/10.

Saturday night we got all setup and situated and Gina and her boyfriend, Josh, came down. Gina came first while we went swimming and took the pictures of us swimming and then Josh showed up later and we grilled hamburgers and hot dogs and had macaroni salad and just hung out. They stayed really late. Sunday we got up and Albert cooked bacon and eggs outside on the grill using a cast iron skillet and I made fried taters in the trailer and then Tommy, Dara, and Colt came down and we all went swimming and then we went back to the trailer and changed and we went up to the playground and let the kids and us big kids play. After that we came back and Dara and I ran to the grocery store to grab a few more things to cook and back we came. Gina came down and we grilled steaks and hamburgers and I made fried taters in the trailer again. Tommy, Dara, and Colt left and we got all settled in and went to bed. Monday we got up and got around and we went home. Monday evening we had a cookout at Nana's house so we had hamburgers and smoked sausage along with potato salad. It was a good weekend all and all...

School Starting...

Well to say the least last week was HECTIC...

The whole school ordeal with Anastacia has been crazy since they shut down her school in Tulsa. Well my Nana went around and did some things out of order for her to get put back in a Tulsa school and didn't allow me to finish the stuff like I was advised. Well needless to say Anastacia could NOT get enrolled in a Tulsa school. So here is how my week went last week.

Monday - On way to work and everything is going good. Nana was set to go and try to enroll Anastacia in Owen Elementary today (08/15). I'm pulling into work and she calls to tell me they will NOT let her enroll her without a signed/notarized paper from me. I tell Nana I will deal with things and see what I can do. (Mind you Mannford schools started Thursday 08/18 and Tulsa started Monday 08/22).

So I come inside, get situated, and then start to think on how I can do things. Nothing works in my head and I call the TPS Educational Service Center and they say there is a form I can sign with them but I have to have the notarized one on file with them first. So this makes this a NO. My only thought was get her enrolled in Mannford. So I set on a path to get this done. I call Mannford schools and tell them I have a Kindergartner that needs to start school and I'm not off work until Thursday so can I enroll her via fax and get her ready for school and they agree. Call the daycare and make sure she can start the next day and have them get me the packet ready to enroll in daycare. (I decided to pick her up Monday night because she could start daycare Tuesday and Wednesday and get to know some kids and get used to the workers and then start school). So I print enrollment school forms and supply lists offline and fill it out. During lunch I go to Walmart and buy the school supplies that she needs for school and also an outfit to start school in because at this point we haven't bought her school clothes since we thought she was going to Tulsa schools.

Get off work and I go to Tulsa to pick her up along with some of her things so she will be ready at the house. Get home get her somewhat unpacked from what she brought and then settle in and get them ready for bed. Once they are down and asleep I sit down at the table and write down the last few supplies I need to pick up for her and Triton for school (open house is Tuesday - next day) and finish filling out all the papers and making sure I have birth certificate, report card, and shot records in my purse so I can fax to the school in the morning. Finally got in bed.

Tuesday - Get up and get all 3 kids ready and off to daycare. Turn in all the daycare paperwork when I get there. Get to work and fax all of Anastacia's enrollment forms over to Mannford schools then call to verify they were received. During lunch I ran and grabbed the last few school items I needed. Open house is tonight and we were suppose to bring all school supplies in tonight. I get off work and head to Mannford to pick up the kids and then over to the school to look around the school and meet the teachers. Meet both teachers, look around the school, turn in both sets of schools upplies, and then head home. Make dinner and get ready for bed.

Wednesday - The most normal night I believe we had all week... Take the kids to daycare and go to work. Everything is still a little on the hectic side because my house is still a mess and now I'm in the midst of moving a 5 year old back in and getting her situated. Along with my son having a messy room that needs to be cleaned and me having a busy schedule at work and then getting home late in time for dinner and baths and the night is over for the most part. Pick kids up, go home and make dinner, baths, and then bed. This is the night before school starts so the kids are excited.

Thursday - I took off work today because it was the kids' first day of school (Triton in Pre-K and Anastacia in Kindergarten). Took Preslee to daycare and then took the other two to school and got them both into their rooms. Once I left I ran over to the other elementary and put money on their account for lunches. Grab some pops at the store and go home. I was suppose to wake Albert up at 930a because his Dad was having surgery on his leg regarding the blockage. 925a I go into the bedroom to wake him up and he says he wants to sleep until 10a because he set the alarm (he did). So I lay down and pass smooth out. I hear the alarm and tell him to get up and he doesn't. I told him several times but I would go right back to sleep (mind you I'm exhausted from all of this). We end up both sleeping until like 1230p and he gets up and gets around and goes straight to the hospital. I get up and around and start cleaning in the kids' room. Cleaning the toys, organizing, and getting rid of old/broke/nasty toys. Go pick up the kids from school, get Triton's hair cut, pick up the title from the post office, pick up Preslee from daycare, and then head to Tulsa for Cody's birthday party. Was there having dinner and cake/ice cream with my family for my brother's 21st birthday. Leave there and go home and get kids ready for bed.

Friday - Got the kids up and ready and dropped all 3 of them off at daycare because the 2 older ones will ride the bus to school and from school to daycare. I go to work and then get off and pick up the kids. I go home and change and grab the diaper bag and go to Old Navy to go school clothes shopping for Anastacia. Get to Old Navy and its just me and three kids. Preslee fell asleep in the car so I carried her carseat in and get inside and there is NO carts. So I carry her carseat and make sure the other 2 stay close and pick out Anastacia's clothes. We all go into a handicap dressing stall and let her try on clothes. Boy I was reall exhausted then. Leave there and stop and pick up 2 pizzas from Little Ceasar's and then off to Nana's to drop Anastacia off for the weekend and eat a quick dinner. Ate, let the kids play, and then off to the hosue to get some stuff done and try and rest.

So as you can tell I had a CRAZY BUSY week and so come Saturday I did NOTHING but lay around on the couch, in my PJs all day long!!!!!!!!!

Anastacia on the 1st day of Kindergarten

Triton on the 1st day of Pre-K

Both the kids on their 1st day of school - Getting ready to leave the house

This is the sky as I was driving out of the neighborhood... The beauty of this is amazing and unreal just breath taking. We always say when we see the clouds/sky look so amazing that it is our sweet Skylar telling us that everything will be ok. Especially when we seen this on the first day of school.

Fire In My Neighborhood...

This fire was last weekend in my neighborhood...Not quite a 1/4 mile down the road from my house...We were evacuated out of the neighborhood, but we didn't leave because our friend told us that we didn't have to (cop). Here is a few pictures...

Preslee Getting Bigger...

She was throwing a fit and she would quit throwing a fit when she seen the flash on my phone go off...

We were grocery shopping and she got to use her new cart cover for the first time...I love this picture.

We went grocery shopping (above) and bought her some more "snacks" and she is eating a rice mum mum (this is what they are called)...And she LOVES them...

She has now figured out how to climb out of the bassinet and onto our bed...This is the face I saw right before she started climbing out...Will try and upload the video of her crawling out soon...

She is 8 1/2 months old right now...I can't believe how much she has grown. She can now say "Dada" and "uh oh". She is pretty much crawling and can get wherever she needs/wants to go at this point. Right now she has double ear infections so this has been a LONG week. But luckily she is on antibiotics and she is doing much better. We are gearing up for her 9 month pictures. Just have a few more things to get in the mail and we are ready. No real theme but we have a: John Deere pillow case dress (with name embroided), a bandana dress, black/white zebra ruffled bloomers, black/white zebra leggings with bows, black bloomers with her name in hot pink zebra, and a summery/flowery dress...I can't wait until these pictures!





New Truck

Well the husband wanted a new truck...So he got a new truck...Not brand new but new to him/us...

His 2006 Chevrolet Silverado MAX

UH OH video

Here is a video of Preslee saying "UH OH" - Just really the voice nothing really to watch!