Strength To Go On...

I'm sure this will be random and scatter brained but I need to write...


Why is it that cancer attacks bodies? Why is it that this disease doesn't have a cure? Why can't it just go away?!?


I know that's a vague statement but if we can get a man to land and walk on the moon how can we not have something to help... I just don't understand! Though that's not my job to understand but I would really like to know.


Currently I have a friend laying in a hospital bed in OKC fighting for her life... She's been through a hell of a lot of the last year or so and it's just not fair to her, to her children, and to her family.


Stephanie was diagnosed with ALL (a type of leukemia) in December 2010. She didn't know anything was wrong. 2 years ago (this week) she was helping me plan my wedding, helping me get everything together, helping me through everything, and being my friend in this all... Yes I had MANY other friends helping me also (just to clarify). May 1st everything seemed fine to her she was perfect, seemed healthy, she was Steph. Within 6 months she was diagnosed with this awful disease. She started therapies and doing everything that needed to be done. She was in the hospital so much, missed so much with her kids, but she was getting better. She had finally over time beat the cancer and she was in remission. She had the bone marrow transplant and that's what her body is rejecting.


How can someone so young, so full of life, so beautiful, and so enthusiastic have this problem. Why did it have to be here. She has children, 2 children at that that need her, those children need their mother. 


But yet her mother gave a status on FB this morning saying the doctor was only saying a "few days". A few days!!!!!! Seriously??? Last Thursday (19th) she was discharged from the hospital and now this... It's so left field, out there, not right... NOT RIGHT BY NO MEANS!!!!


A few days. A few days to say goodbyes, speak your peace, clear your head, consume it with madness, think of how unfair life is, and pray for the best... A few days is NOTHING. A few days doesn't get anything accomplished!


My amazing friend, Marisa, offered to take me to see Stephanie yesterday. I thought about it many times. I even ran scenarios through my head, words that I would say, tears that would flow... But then I realized I don't think I'm ready to face that... Watching someone die in "that" situation. 


By no means do I mean to be rude by that above statement - But my Dad passed away 4 years ago in January... He was in a coma... He was unresponsive... He was on life support... He had MRSA... He died that way... I stood in the room, by his side, hand in hand, as his heart stopped... No I'm not ready to face that again... I'm just not strong enough inside. I can't bear to see what I faced with my father... I can't bear to watch my friend go through that. I can't bear to see the agony in her family's faces... 


I pray... I pray... and I pray for God's healing hand to touch her. Give her strength to fight this. Give her more time with her children and her family. Give her the life she wanted so dearly BACK.


I'm consumed with pain inside... My heart hurts and aches for her! I wish there was something I could do or say that could take this away or even make it better! But there's not. Nothing I can do or say or anything. It's in God's hands... God is the only one controlling Steph's time on earth. Steph has been through so much in the last year and half and I know she is tired. I know she is weak. I know she probably thinks at times she can't do this anymore but I know she's not ready to go. 


I've cried for hours and hours over this. I've thought about it. Ran moments through my head that involve her, conversations, texts, calls, parties, times... Life! I met Stephanie in 2009 and she became one of my GREAT friends. She was there for me the day I found out I was pregnant with Skylar (in the work bathroom with me). She was there for the funeral and she was my friend anytime I needed to talk. She understood me and I understood her (yes many of my friends understand me also and I love them for that... This is just me talking).


God I pray that this turns around and that her life is handed back to her again. I know her body needs to rest but I don't want to see her leave this world yet! She's too young. 

Tears will flow but God is the only one with answers! Steph we love you SO much!!!!!!!

Days Keep Flying...

Well the days are coming and going and they just won't slow down! Goodness... It's already the middle of April.


I don't have a lot of free time to get on her and post. I need to because it's also therapeutic and it lets me say what's on my mind freely...


April... Ugh! The beginning of this month Preslee starting teething *molars* and then she got bronchitis... So she was on a steroid for a week and boy was she irritable. Then Easter was last weekend and we had a great time. Got together with family and did some Easter egg hunting and some family games/togetherness...

Preslee on Easter at McClure Park... She still wasn't feeling the greatest...

Jordyn on Easter... (my niece)... 

Anastacia being silly with an Easter basket...

Preslee was excited about the eggs *see the one in her hand*

I guess Triton got too many eggs... His handle broke... Glad it was fixable...

Preslee opened each egg and took the candy out... Her basket after the hunt...

Anastacia at the park on Easter...

Kids doing the egg hunt...

I think they were done with the egg hunt and contemplating what to do next...

Easter was a lot of fun. Many people were at the park and we played football, horseshoes, had cake for Brenda's birthday and LOTS of food... Enjoyed seeing everyone, getting pictures, and eating...

Now that Easter is over we are on to birthdays... Tommy's birthday is the 17th of this month. We are going to have a party for him at Mom's house on the 21st... Yay!!!!!

Jerry's birthday would have been the 20th... Another year gone and another birthday that still comes. Sucks but it's life I guess! Wish he was here to celebrate with us...

Then comes APRIL 27TH... Tommy & Dara are getting married! How fun is that!?! Can't wait for that day! Albert & I are off work that day so he will get to attend also... It's just a small, intimate wedding for family... I have a surprise I'm picking up for them for that day... It will be fun!

Here's a few snap shots from the last few days...

Anastacia...

Triton...

Preslee...

Triton again being silly...

Our littlest angel... Isn't she the sweetest?!?

Anastacia is also gearing up for her dance recital... It's May 25th. She's been in dance almost 4 years now and this year she did ballet, tap, and jazz. She joined a new dance group last August when she moved to Mannford with us and we really enjoy them a lot. Can't wait to see the performance...

Here is a sneak peak of her outfit...

Anastacia and 2 of her friends...

Anastacia is also in soccer and it is starting to wind down... We have 4-5 games left... They have won most and she has decided that she wants to continue to play soccer also. Yay for her! Here is a couple pictures...

Mannford T-Rex

Silly girl... Ready for her soccer game!

She is the one kicking the ball... Right in the center of the picture! Go Anastacia!!!!

This month we also went riding. The Metcalfe crew and all... Anastacia didn't make it because she stayed the weekend with Nana that weekend.... Here's a few pictures...

First 4-wheeler ride with Uncle Wayne...

Triton's first time riding a 4-wheeler by HIMSELF...

Under the canopy Preslee and I were playing in the dirt... 

That kind of gives a rough idea of what we've been up to lately... Next we are planning after the parties and wedding is Albert & I's 2 year wedding anniversary... It's May 1st...

May 1st is during a work week so... April 27th we took off to get ready to go on our weekend anniversary trip... On the 28th we will be heading to Yellville, AR (about 4 1/2 hours from Mannford) to spend the day/night at Buffalo River Lodge Bed & Breakfast...

I'm super excited about going and can't wait. We get to check in at 3p and then we will get situated, have some dinner, and just enjoy some alone time. Then we have to check out by 11am... We have some plans to go down to Buffalo National River and look around (it looks GORGEOUS) and we are also going to go on 2 cave tours. We are going to spend the day doing things and drive home that evening/night. Can't wait to get away, do something different, and spend some time with the hubby...

2 YEARS ALREADY... SURE DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT!

Then the next day which is April 30th we are keeping the kids out of school and going into Tulsa to take family pictures with Dana... Can't wait. Never done full family pictures yet! Lots of exciting things going on with us this month... Can't wait to share pictures from our trip and anniversary and then family pictures...