Why is it that cancer attacks bodies? Why is it that this disease doesn't have a cure? Why can't it just go away?!?
I know that's a vague statement but if we can get a man to land and walk on the moon how can we not have something to help... I just don't understand! Though that's not my job to understand but I would really like to know.
Currently I have a friend laying in a hospital bed in OKC fighting for her life... She's been through a hell of a lot of the last year or so and it's just not fair to her, to her children, and to her family.
Stephanie was diagnosed with ALL (a type of leukemia) in December 2010. She didn't know anything was wrong. 2 years ago (this week) she was helping me plan my wedding, helping me get everything together, helping me through everything, and being my friend in this all... Yes I had MANY other friends helping me also (just to clarify). May 1st everything seemed fine to her she was perfect, seemed healthy, she was Steph. Within 6 months she was diagnosed with this awful disease. She started therapies and doing everything that needed to be done. She was in the hospital so much, missed so much with her kids, but she was getting better. She had finally over time beat the cancer and she was in remission. She had the bone marrow transplant and that's what her body is rejecting.
How can someone so young, so full of life, so beautiful, and so enthusiastic have this problem. Why did it have to be here. She has children, 2 children at that that need her, those children need their mother.
But yet her mother gave a status on FB this morning saying the doctor was only saying a "few days". A few days!!!!!! Seriously??? Last Thursday (19th) she was discharged from the hospital and now this... It's so left field, out there, not right... NOT RIGHT BY NO MEANS!!!!
A few days. A few days to say goodbyes, speak your peace, clear your head, consume it with madness, think of how unfair life is, and pray for the best... A few days is NOTHING. A few days doesn't get anything accomplished!
My amazing friend, Marisa, offered to take me to see Stephanie yesterday. I thought about it many times. I even ran scenarios through my head, words that I would say, tears that would flow... But then I realized I don't think I'm ready to face that... Watching someone die in "that" situation.
By no means do I mean to be rude by that above statement - But my Dad passed away 4 years ago in January... He was in a coma... He was unresponsive... He was on life support... He had MRSA... He died that way... I stood in the room, by his side, hand in hand, as his heart stopped... No I'm not ready to face that again... I'm just not strong enough inside. I can't bear to see what I faced with my father... I can't bear to watch my friend go through that. I can't bear to see the agony in her family's faces...
I pray... I pray... and I pray for God's healing hand to touch her. Give her strength to fight this. Give her more time with her children and her family. Give her the life she wanted so dearly BACK.
I'm consumed with pain inside... My heart hurts and aches for her! I wish there was something I could do or say that could take this away or even make it better! But there's not. Nothing I can do or say or anything. It's in God's hands... God is the only one controlling Steph's time on earth. Steph has been through so much in the last year and half and I know she is tired. I know she is weak. I know she probably thinks at times she can't do this anymore but I know she's not ready to go.
I've cried for hours and hours over this. I've thought about it. Ran moments through my head that involve her, conversations, texts, calls, parties, times... Life! I met Stephanie in 2009 and she became one of my GREAT friends. She was there for me the day I found out I was pregnant with Skylar (in the work bathroom with me). She was there for the funeral and she was my friend anytime I needed to talk. She understood me and I understood her (yes many of my friends understand me also and I love them for that... This is just me talking).
God I pray that this turns around and that her life is handed back to her again. I know her body needs to rest but I don't want to see her leave this world yet! She's too young.
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