Lately I have really been thinking about Skylar alot. How she would look, what she would be doing, if she would be saying any words right now, walking, crawling, etc...I really can't believe that it has been over a year since she left us.
My sweet baby was born to us here on earth on Jan 27, 2010 but God had better plans for her in Heaven. Maybe she's that guardian angel that is watching over me and protecting me (Walmart when Wayne got there - night of seizure)...
I have met another lady recently that has lost a baby and I honestly have NO problem talking about Skylar and how it all come about down to the very details. I feel like talking about here and the situation makes it more real and helps me and can help others that can hear the story. Anyways last night I was emailing this friend the situation and all the background up until Skylar's birth and then all the details of the funeral and things since. How overwhelmed with emotions I because as I sat at the table typing this story to her! To some people it's a story about a bad situation, to some people it's something you wouldn't talk about, to me it was my baby...My 3rd born child...My angel that went to Heaven...She had a life but a very short one!
I miss going to MEND and getting to be around others who have shared in similar situations/experiences...Others that I can listen to on how they deal with things and such. My sweet friend, Kiley, is there for me when I need to talk about it and she completely understands. Michele, the MEND coordinator, is always just an email away to talk about anything...
I've heard that I shouldn't really be upset/worried/crying over Skylar since Preslee was born. I should be thankful that she is here...And by ALL MEANS I thank God every day that she made it safe and sound into our arms. She is so precious and I can't imagine my life without her in it at this point. Seems like she has always been a part of it! NO she does NOT take Skylar's place. NO she doesn't made me forget about Skylar and what happened. She's Preslee - She's not a replacement! She is the 4th born child and she is as wonderful as the other children that we have!
Anyways like always I know there comes a time when I will think about what happened and I will cry over what happened and my heart will hurt to have Skylar here with me and I will wonder 'why me, why her, why our family' but I know God needed my baby and I will come to better terms with that as time goes on. Right now I still hurt, though alot of people will NOT see it, alot of people will NEVER know I hurt because I'm just not that type of person to publically display it.
But forever this child that lived in my stomach for 17 weeks will be the angel that God gave to the Metcalfe family and got took home to watch over us! We love you baby Skylar!!!!!!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Seizure Update...
For some of you, you know that I had a seizure about 3 weeks ago while in Walmart in Sand Springs. I had Triton and Preslee with me and had just dropped off Anastacia. I was just doing my normal random shopping for a few things that I needed. Who would have ever thought, right? Well I was walking through the produce section and I started blacking out while pushing my buggy...So after realizing this and almost running into someone I headed straight for the first checkout in site...
Made it to the checkout and I was about to start putting my items on the counter (fast lane since I had few items - right by front door also)...I felt the blacking out coming on again but then I started twitching really hard and I know my head was turning to the left and looking towards the light and I couldn't do anything...Next thing I remember I woke up with paramedics and my brother in law standing/sitting/squatting over me. I had NO clue as to what just happened. Well here's what happened in the between time that I don't remember.
After the twitching and when I realized I couldn't do anything is when the seizure came on. Apparently my brother in law, Wayne, and my niece and step daughter were walking into Walmart at the same time I was falling from the seizure. Well apparently (and luckily) I fell forward into the buggy...Mind you my son, Triton, was in the basket part so I am sure I scared him to death...The man in front of me grabbed me and laid me down so that away I wouldn't fall and hurt myself in the process anymore than I already had. That's when my brother in law realized it was me. He came over and was there with me through the process and also with the kids (thank God). The sweet people of Walmart formed a circle around me (is what I am told) and would not allow people to stop and stare. Paramedics got there and got me on the stretcher and into the ambulance and they allowed me to wait for Albert to get there since I was stable. Albert got there and they told him he would have to follow the ambulance and so him and his Dad followed us there. I was taken to Hillcrest and I was in the ER. They did a CAT scan and some blood work and all came back normal. I was released from the hospital and asked to follow up with a nuerologist.
Well Valentine's Day I had an appointment with the nuerologist. He was very thorough with me and told me that with the kids that we have and the job that I am doing he wants to keep me functioning and not have the seizure happen again especially since I am a mom and most of the time I have one or more of the kids with me. He is starting me on a medication, Lamictal XR, as of tomorrow. I am starting on a low dose and gradually building up to the dosage that he would like me to be at. I have to go back on March 3rd for an EEG and then again on March 14th for a 1 month checkup on the meds. Luckily there have been no more seizures...At this point no one is able to tell why I have had the seizures I have had because they are so random and so far between its hard to capture it happening. My first seizure I was 14, my 2nd seizure was in May 2009 and this last one was in January 2011. So 3 total in 12 years. So we will see how things go from here with the medication and all...
Made it to the checkout and I was about to start putting my items on the counter (fast lane since I had few items - right by front door also)...I felt the blacking out coming on again but then I started twitching really hard and I know my head was turning to the left and looking towards the light and I couldn't do anything...Next thing I remember I woke up with paramedics and my brother in law standing/sitting/squatting over me. I had NO clue as to what just happened. Well here's what happened in the between time that I don't remember.
After the twitching and when I realized I couldn't do anything is when the seizure came on. Apparently my brother in law, Wayne, and my niece and step daughter were walking into Walmart at the same time I was falling from the seizure. Well apparently (and luckily) I fell forward into the buggy...Mind you my son, Triton, was in the basket part so I am sure I scared him to death...The man in front of me grabbed me and laid me down so that away I wouldn't fall and hurt myself in the process anymore than I already had. That's when my brother in law realized it was me. He came over and was there with me through the process and also with the kids (thank God). The sweet people of Walmart formed a circle around me (is what I am told) and would not allow people to stop and stare. Paramedics got there and got me on the stretcher and into the ambulance and they allowed me to wait for Albert to get there since I was stable. Albert got there and they told him he would have to follow the ambulance and so him and his Dad followed us there. I was taken to Hillcrest and I was in the ER. They did a CAT scan and some blood work and all came back normal. I was released from the hospital and asked to follow up with a nuerologist.
Well Valentine's Day I had an appointment with the nuerologist. He was very thorough with me and told me that with the kids that we have and the job that I am doing he wants to keep me functioning and not have the seizure happen again especially since I am a mom and most of the time I have one or more of the kids with me. He is starting me on a medication, Lamictal XR, as of tomorrow. I am starting on a low dose and gradually building up to the dosage that he would like me to be at. I have to go back on March 3rd for an EEG and then again on March 14th for a 1 month checkup on the meds. Luckily there have been no more seizures...At this point no one is able to tell why I have had the seizures I have had because they are so random and so far between its hard to capture it happening. My first seizure I was 14, my 2nd seizure was in May 2009 and this last one was in January 2011. So 3 total in 12 years. So we will see how things go from here with the medication and all...
Let's Catch Up...
Well alot has gone on in the past few weeks and it seems like I can't really catch a break to do much. So here comes a quick recap of the past month or so...
On January 20th Anastacia turned 5 years old...Can you believe it? Seriously my baby is 5 years old...Makes me feel old...
Anastacia wanted a princess/cinderalla cake and so she got the princess castle with the Cinderella on the side. She loved her cake. She also had a skating party for her birthday. She had alot of people show up to have fun with her...This is Marisa and I bringing her back from the center of the skating rink...They had sung happy bithday to her and announced her as the birthday girl for the day...
Then there was the massive snow storm and Preslee got an Upper Respiratory Infection and so we fought that for a week with antibiotics...No fun but luckily she got rid of it quickly and she returned to her happy self again. She went in for her 2 month checkup and received 3 shots and also an oral medication. She doesn't go back until she is 4 months old. Yay!
During the snow storm Triton got bored and he was into everything. I think he was a little sick of being in the house all the time also! He asked for something out of the fridge and we told him to go get it and a few minutes later went to go see what he is doing and this is what we found...
He was thirsty so he got his stool and climbed up into the fridge to get his bottle of Sierra Mist off the top shelf...I guess he was desperate...Then one day we bought him an Orange pop from Walmart. We got home and he took it into his room while watching a movie. He came into our room while we were watching TV and this is the first thing I seen...
The orange pop mustache...How cute!!! Then one day we all rode our 4 wheelers in the snow...Here is Triton out riding his in the road (Albert is walking behind him)...
Glad those snow days are gone...I needed to get out and I had plans to get Preslee's Valentine's Day pictures done so I also scheduled and appointment to have my hair redone...I had to go cheap while I was pregnant because we were low on funds...So now I am back to the way I like it...Blonde with highlights on top and black on bottom...
I love my hair...Then that evening we had Preselee's Valentine's Day pictures done. I should be getting them back tomorrow. Yay...I can't wait to see them. Then here come Valentine's Day...Preslee got all decked out in her pink and her big flower...
She's getting so big...Then we went to dinner at Lin Cuisine in Sand Springs since that is my favorite restaraunt...It was so good...It was Albert, me, Triton, and Preslee...We celebrated on Feb. 13th since both of us had to work on Valentine's Day...Here is a picture once we got home of us...
Not the best of pictures but hey it's a picture...Then we got Preslee into her pajamas and into her bassinet...She looked like such an angel sleeping that night...
Here is another picture of her in this outfit but it is so sweet I couldn't resist...
Also since Preslee has become more 'verbal' and 'talkative' Triton is having alot of fun talking to her...
He keeps saying "Baby, Baby, Baby...Are you talking" it's so cute...Then we got Preslee with her Jordan's on one day...First time she has had actual shoes on...It was too cute...
One day Daddy put his hat on her and oh boy does she look like her father with this hat on...It's like a mini Albert...It's so stinken cute...I just love it!
On January 20th Anastacia turned 5 years old...Can you believe it? Seriously my baby is 5 years old...Makes me feel old...
Anastacia wanted a princess/cinderalla cake and so she got the princess castle with the Cinderella on the side. She loved her cake. She also had a skating party for her birthday. She had alot of people show up to have fun with her...This is Marisa and I bringing her back from the center of the skating rink...They had sung happy bithday to her and announced her as the birthday girl for the day...
Then there was the massive snow storm and Preslee got an Upper Respiratory Infection and so we fought that for a week with antibiotics...No fun but luckily she got rid of it quickly and she returned to her happy self again. She went in for her 2 month checkup and received 3 shots and also an oral medication. She doesn't go back until she is 4 months old. Yay!
During the snow storm Triton got bored and he was into everything. I think he was a little sick of being in the house all the time also! He asked for something out of the fridge and we told him to go get it and a few minutes later went to go see what he is doing and this is what we found...
He was thirsty so he got his stool and climbed up into the fridge to get his bottle of Sierra Mist off the top shelf...I guess he was desperate...Then one day we bought him an Orange pop from Walmart. We got home and he took it into his room while watching a movie. He came into our room while we were watching TV and this is the first thing I seen...
The orange pop mustache...How cute!!! Then one day we all rode our 4 wheelers in the snow...Here is Triton out riding his in the road (Albert is walking behind him)...
Glad those snow days are gone...I needed to get out and I had plans to get Preslee's Valentine's Day pictures done so I also scheduled and appointment to have my hair redone...I had to go cheap while I was pregnant because we were low on funds...So now I am back to the way I like it...Blonde with highlights on top and black on bottom...
I love my hair...Then that evening we had Preselee's Valentine's Day pictures done. I should be getting them back tomorrow. Yay...I can't wait to see them. Then here come Valentine's Day...Preslee got all decked out in her pink and her big flower...
She's getting so big...Then we went to dinner at Lin Cuisine in Sand Springs since that is my favorite restaraunt...It was so good...It was Albert, me, Triton, and Preslee...We celebrated on Feb. 13th since both of us had to work on Valentine's Day...Here is a picture once we got home of us...
Not the best of pictures but hey it's a picture...Then we got Preslee into her pajamas and into her bassinet...She looked like such an angel sleeping that night...
Here is another picture of her in this outfit but it is so sweet I couldn't resist...
Also since Preslee has become more 'verbal' and 'talkative' Triton is having alot of fun talking to her...
He keeps saying "Baby, Baby, Baby...Are you talking" it's so cute...Then we got Preslee with her Jordan's on one day...First time she has had actual shoes on...It was too cute...
One day Daddy put his hat on her and oh boy does she look like her father with this hat on...It's like a mini Albert...It's so stinken cute...I just love it!
This is what has been going on in the last few weeks with us and the kids (or the cute fun stuff)...
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