Lately I have really been thinking about Skylar alot. How she would look, what she would be doing, if she would be saying any words right now, walking, crawling, etc...I really can't believe that it has been over a year since she left us.
My sweet baby was born to us here on earth on Jan 27, 2010 but God had better plans for her in Heaven. Maybe she's that guardian angel that is watching over me and protecting me (Walmart when Wayne got there - night of seizure)...
I have met another lady recently that has lost a baby and I honestly have NO problem talking about Skylar and how it all come about down to the very details. I feel like talking about here and the situation makes it more real and helps me and can help others that can hear the story. Anyways last night I was emailing this friend the situation and all the background up until Skylar's birth and then all the details of the funeral and things since. How overwhelmed with emotions I because as I sat at the table typing this story to her! To some people it's a story about a bad situation, to some people it's something you wouldn't talk about, to me it was my baby...My 3rd born child...My angel that went to Heaven...She had a life but a very short one!
I miss going to MEND and getting to be around others who have shared in similar situations/experiences...Others that I can listen to on how they deal with things and such. My sweet friend, Kiley, is there for me when I need to talk about it and she completely understands. Michele, the MEND coordinator, is always just an email away to talk about anything...
I've heard that I shouldn't really be upset/worried/crying over Skylar since Preslee was born. I should be thankful that she is here...And by ALL MEANS I thank God every day that she made it safe and sound into our arms. She is so precious and I can't imagine my life without her in it at this point. Seems like she has always been a part of it! NO she does NOT take Skylar's place. NO she doesn't made me forget about Skylar and what happened. She's Preslee - She's not a replacement! She is the 4th born child and she is as wonderful as the other children that we have!
Anyways like always I know there comes a time when I will think about what happened and I will cry over what happened and my heart will hurt to have Skylar here with me and I will wonder 'why me, why her, why our family' but I know God needed my baby and I will come to better terms with that as time goes on. Right now I still hurt, though alot of people will NOT see it, alot of people will NEVER know I hurt because I'm just not that type of person to publically display it.
But forever this child that lived in my stomach for 17 weeks will be the angel that God gave to the Metcalfe family and got took home to watch over us! We love you baby Skylar!!!!!!
Hey girl! I haven't been on your blog in a long time but just wanted to say that you have every right to feel the way you do. Just because you have other children doesn't mean that people should think they have the right to tell you to feel better or to forget her. Skylar is still a big part of your life and always will be. Just because she's in Heaven doesn't mean that she's not a part of it. Angel will always be a big part of my lift just like Skylar will always be a big part of yours. No matter how long or short they're in your life they're always going to be your child. Children aren't just a switch that can be turned on or off... they're a constant part of your life ever second you breathe. That starts before you ever conceived them because you thought of them way before they were there and you continue to even after. It's part of being a parent. If you ever need to talk I am always here. I think about Skylar every day
ReplyDeleteOops...meant life...every. Typing is not going so well tonight. lol
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